this was also my first:
this tweet ended a relationship:
I remember when shit was easy. Remember that? Easy. When did shit get so damn hard?
I was young! and by young I mean 30.
settling in for an early night with Battlestar Galactica and ice water.Life. Is. Good.
No you’re not.
I’m a self-sabotaging lamer, but not as much as I think I am. Also, I’m pretty awesome - more than I think I am.
the guy from modest mouse sings like someone is chasing him with a garden hose— jon hendren (@fart) January 26, 2013
in the movie speed the bus hit a baby carriage but only cans come out. how did the baby do that and what are his powers now— bandit (@UtilityLimb) March 5, 2011
Having sex with me is like riding a bull in that it’s only going to last eight seconds and when it’s done you’re in the arms of a clown— MattyTalks(@mattytalks) February 7, 2013
pop my corpse in a pirate themed wheelchair & release me down the steep hill of a closed street as one thousand triathletes ascend— Hot Mini Donuts (@diaper_wolf) June 26, 2012
women, cast away all the cowards from your embraces; they will give you only cowards for children
I have got to go
Let me ride upon your handlebars
Did you ever know
I’ve been waiting to see who you are
It sounds like what it is!
put a hi ball in the crank case
nail a crow to the door
get a bottle for the jockey
gimme a 294
there’s a 750 norton bustin’ down january’s door