This is the mixed media blog of James Foreman. He writes things.

Favorite topics include art, history, modern life, pop culture, dating, sex, atheism, science, stories, whimsy, magic, writing and self-deprecation.

You can read a fiction story he wrote in the bestselling Machine of Death anthology, a true story he wrote in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette or a funny thing he wrote for McSweeney's.

He's working on a novel. It's going okay.

Alien insects were trying to kill me

I offended some alien culture, so they had a trial for me. I was found guilty, and my punishment was that I had to fight a tiny creature created out of cooled lava. The alien insect was perfectly silent except when it attacked, when it made a sound like thropping through the pages of a paperback book.

Also, it could transform toy animals into real animals, which it would then dismember and devour.

My brother Rob and I hunted it in my parents’ house with spatulas and paint scrapers.

Oh, and this was just a dream I had. Sorry if you thought it was real or whatever.