This is the mixed media blog of James Foreman. He writes things.

Favorite topics include art, history, modern life, pop culture, dating, sex, atheism, science, stories, whimsy, magic, writing and self-deprecation.

You can read a fiction story he wrote in the bestselling Machine of Death anthology, a true story he wrote in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette or a funny thing he wrote for McSweeney's.

He's working on a novel. It's going okay.

Dream Journal: I Groped Angelina Jolie

I had a new girlfriend who was actually my old girlfriend but my new friends who were actually my old friends had never met her. We walked around in a town that was a hillier, more concretey version of Wheeling, where I grew up. We held hands the whole time and it felt great and warm and right.

Until we arrived at a party me friends were throwing, which was actually a planning session for their armed assault on some white supremecists and antisemites and communists who were meeting downtown and having some kind of election.

It was decided that I was going to assist in some way, but I forgot shortly after getting my assignment. I was worried about my girlfriend the whole time especially because she was Jewish.

We got our weapons and hopped in the car. I had a little pistol while everybody else had an assault rifle. That didn’t bother me because I knew I was a good shot.

We went to the site of the election and I suddenly got extremely scared and didn’t want to go and was worried that I was going to die. I told one of my friends this and they said not to worry. I then realized that I was actually in a dream and I coudlnt die anyway.

The firefight that commenced was quick and bloody. I jumped into a foxhole and shot anybody who came in. Like many lucid dreams, I was in control and knew that there would be no consequences for anything I did.

So Angelina Jolie in a black ninja suit and a rifle jumped in my foxhole and I shot her. We wrestled on the ground and she pulled out a knife and stabbed me. I got the knife away from her and stabbd her back, shiv-style.

She was dying and we both knew it so we talked. She was cryptic and dark and angry and threatened me like an arch-nemesis. I realized that it was a dream and she didn’t exist so I felt her up, thinking this was a great opportunity to grope a famous person and I immediately regretted it. She said she would kill me for doing it and then she died, but I knew she would respawn somewhere bccause it was all a game.

My girlfriend survived and we made out.